Nineteen years ago today my good friend and mutual crush, Justin Bates, died in a freak drowning accident in the Saint Mary's River. This body of water was the backdrop of my studies at Saint Mary's College of Maryland, and throughout those four years and beyond, it has also given me happier memories of kayaking, sailing, birthday dunkings, campfires, and deep conversations, as well as inspiration for artwork and poetry. But April, with the strong scent of holly blossoms in Saint Mary's County, as well as dama da noite flowers in the Paraíba Valley, always brings saudade and memories of this dear soul who left us so tragically with a glow of gentle kindness in his wake.
I remember Justin as a bit of a pilgrim, a tall figure commuting to campus with his backpack and a book in his hand, wandering often lonely paths, pursuing truth and beauty wherever it led him. I suppose I've been on a pilgrimage all these years, as well. There was a time when I thought I knew most of the answers, but I have learned to embrace the mystery and wonder of things beyond me, and walk a more humble path. I'm grateful for the short time that I shared a path with Justin, and I'll celebrate the light that he brought to my life in an untitled sunset poem, mirroring one I've shared before.
brackish waves washed over you.
saltwater tears run over me,
carving the
course of the River on my face,
eroding the
straight-lined shores of my faith.
and the water that once drew us together,
as close as a
hug,
now keeps us apart,
as far as
eternity.
i feel you in the gentle laps of the waves,
like rhythmic
breathing, assuring me all is ok.
the sunset closes another day, and the darkness
wraps 'round like
a cloak,
yet the last glimmers of light in the hazy sky
reflect in the
mysterious chatter of the water,
and i stand and i
breathe peace,
still aching with
the absence of you.
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